1. The map is not the territory and people respond according to their map of the world.
We all take in lots of information (made up of external events) through our five senses. We then make our own internal representations which is our map of the world. This is different for everyone. This internal map we create of the world outside is influenced by what we call filters in NLP. These are our perceptions, beliefs and values.
As a parent, we need to realise that our map of the world will be different from that of our child. It is therefore very important that we can see the world through the eyes of our children. See what they are seeing, hear what they are hearing and feel what they are feeling. This has been very useful for me with my children in understanding and relating to them as they are growing older.2. The Meaning of Communication is the Response you get.As a parent, the responsibility of communicating with your child lies with you. There are many times when you might have said something and your child seems to think that you said something different or misunderstood you. Do not blame your child for this. Think of a different way of communicating the same thing.
3. There is no failure only feedback
This means that in whatever you do there will be an outcome. If it is not the desired outcome, then that does not mean that there has been a failure. As a parent, it is important to remember that when your children make a mistake or do not do a good job then you should not criticise them. Give them feedback.
4. People are not their behaviourThis presupposition says that people are not their behaviours, their behaviours are just something they do sometimes. This is something that I found very useful and changed the way I say things to my children. For example, instead of saying “you are a naughty boy”, I now say “I don’t like the way you are behaving right now”. We find that children sometimes behave badly because they find themselves in a situation that stops them from being the best they can be. The most common situation in which my children have bad behaviour is when they are bored.5. Every behaviour has a positive intentionIt took me time to understand this presupposition but, when I did, I started looking at the behaviour of my children in a different light. In NLP, we say that every behaviour has a positive intention. Knowing that these behaviours have a positive intention behind them does not necessarily make them acceptable. It does however, allow you to understand what is happening. What’s more, it will allow you to start thinking of alternatives, which meet that same positive intention.